You have lost your job and your partner and you are finding yourself in the midst of frequent petty arguments. Why are they occurring? Eliminating the obvious fact that you lost your job and you are under stress, the arguments are really a result of what I will call your Security Index.
Everyone’s level of conflict with uncertainty and risk differs. When an individual’s threshold is maxed out, they generally react to that by acting out.
Recognizing where your spouse’s threshold and your threshold converge can be extremely helpful as you are experiencing job transition and uncertainty.
We can measure your security index by examining the following measures:
Please give yourself a point for all that holds true for you.
- Security and stability are more important to me than freedom and autonomy
- I seek job opportunities in organizations that will give me a sense of security and stability.
- I am fulfilled in my work when I believe I have complete financial and job security.
- I dream of having a career that will allow me to feel a sense of security and stability.
The higher your score on this inventory, the less tolerance you have for risk and lack of security. When you understand your partners and your own security index and threshold, you can become aware of unnecessary arguments and understand what is fueling them. During this difficult transition time, you can both remind each other that your security index is being threatened and that is what is causing you to lash out and become locked in conflict.
How to Keep it in Check
Establish daily well being habits and list some things that you do on an ordinary basis that generally keep you physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally well. List these things, understand them and talk about them. It’s imperative to communicate with your partner and help each other. Play a game with it .There you go again, worrying………